Menunggu busway dateng (gwa pernah hampir 1 jam lebih. Gila, sabar banget ya?)
Menunggu bus antar kota berangkat
Macet jalanan ibu kota, bahkan tol pun bisa macet (jelas… 2013! Menurut lo?)
Beberapa hal tersebut yang bisa terlintas di kepala gwa pagi ini. Begitu banyak waktu gwa dihabiskan oleh menunggu. Gwa merasa terzalimi (apaan pula?). Tapi, seriously, gwa sangat berharap hal-hal berbau transportasi yang di atas itu dibetulin. Karena waktu begitu berharga buat gwa sekarang.
Yang mustinya gwa bisa istirahat lebih, berkurang karena menunggu.
Yang mustinya bisa habisin lebih banyak waktu sama keluarga dan teman, banyak berkurang karena jarak yang memisahkan musti ditempuh dengan sistem transportasi yang bikin waktu dibuang sia-sia.
Lirik negara di sebelah timur, dengan hebatnya invest uang mereka ke negara berkembang macam negara yang namanya nangkring di ktp gwe buat bikin jalanan bebas hambatan. Dan dengan hebatnya mereka jualan produksi kendaraan mereka di negara berkembang tersebut, sampe mobil murah merambah… Padahal kebijakan negaranya bilang musti hemat BBM. Ya, sehebat itu mereka… Bisa bikin gak konsisten kebijakan yang ada. Daaaan… Kita gak ngomongin ketidakkonsistenan keputusan satu orang, tapi satu negara! Ma-lu. Oke, bye! LoL
Lirik lagi negara sebelah timur tersebut, di negaranya, sistem transportasi udah super oke. Sangat oke, oke banget!!! Sampe, even gwa benci sama mereka karena merasa dizalimi (bahkan masih dijajah), tapi gwa masih pengen ngunjungin negara yang satu itu buat mengagumi negaranya. Benci gwa, mereka bikin gak rapi negara gwa, tapi gwa kagum sama kerapian mereka.
Transportasi umum super on time, super bersih, bahkan yang super cepet pun ada. Living cost kendaraan pribadi yang super mahal (hehehe, baca: parkir), sampe jarang dipake orang-orang perkotaan.
Well, pengetahuan gwa tentang mereka super minim, tapi yang gwa tau: pas gwa ngerasa dizalimi karena waktu gwa yang terbuang, mereka yang pertama gwa kutuk, bukan negara gwa. Karena gwa lebih cinta ‘literally’ sama negara gwa tercinta (tapi bukan pemerintahanannya juga, LoL).
So please please please… Masih banyak banget yang musti diperbaiki dari sistem transportasi in general di muka negara gwa tercinta ini (baca: ibu kota). I hope it can be get better. Amen (muka serius).
Here’s the time, when I’m asking my Lord to ‘shut it down’, cause I can’t bear it anymore.
Here’s the time I feel so desperate, when I have to face the reality, that he’s not for me, and I don’t want him anymore. Here’s the time when pain overwhelm my rationality; I’m begging Him to shut me down.
Confusing about my feeling, I’ve no idea what’s my true feeling on him: Crush? Lust? Care? Love?
Whether the option is, he successes to let me down and feel this whole pain. The pain is not because we can’t be together. It inclined to because he’s ignoring me. He didn’t fight me back. He didn’t stay with me. He chose to walk away and nodded for my craziness.
I don’t blame him for his reaction. It can be normal, but fail me down. I just feel that we have ‘something’: special things that make me have a faith on him and a big confidence to challenge him. However, I have to accept the bitterness of my trial on him.
I always feel regret of him when he accepted my crazy by offering for walking away from him. I regret: why don’t you make me stay: whatever the way you can—anything. Even though to be your friend, I’ll be in pleasure.
I always regret of him when he just said sorry and disappear when I have mad on him: slap his face with f*cking words. I want him to stay, say something or anything that can explain his story for me, but he’s not. He just made me believe that he can only stay with me, if I’m a nice kitty. When I get mad, he just can’t see another face of mine.
Maybe, he just doesn’t care anymore. Maybe, we just have ‘nothing’ during this time. Maybe, I’m just his unattractive doll which can be replaced anytime. So, it doesn’t matter to lose me.
I wonder, what will be us if in the beginning, I’m offering him a ‘true friendship’. I wonder, what will be us if in the beginning, I never aware about him. However, even if I’m coming with those wondering, I’ll just choose now. Because he just gave me a lesson of feeling pain and it’s not great. I just learnt how to stop before trying. I just learnt about a hard ever forgiveness; for myself and for him.
Seems God’s already answered my pray; to shut the feeling down.
As a female, I don’t really like when the age changed; because it mean I’ll get older (LOL).
In this beginning of year, I don’t wanna talk about the future. I prefer to talk about what I’ve already had to through the journey to my future.
Many things happened for the past years, I always say to myself; “Don’t get regret on something, it’s meaningless.” But, I think I’m getting old, because I’m starting to regret many things. However, instead of regreting, I’ll better to choose learn from it.
I may say, it’s the hardest year I’ve ever had (lebay). But really, I think so. For the-24-year I live, God had me this hardest year.
It’s hard. It’s tough. Not just because I make it hard, but also the universe make it hard.
Then, if I only make it passing by without learn something from all of those stuff, I’m totally a dumb. So, let’s have our pen to write the learning section of our life in this past years down.
From all of it, I know it help me build my character. The new one, the better one, the most me.
Better not always mean ‘good in another perspective’, but better could be ‘I feel it, it feels like me.’ Yaaa… Kind like you’ve started to know yourself.
I love for being brave, honest, speak up, ignorance, care, mad, angry, opportunies (LOL), a lot anything else that make myself could survive. The most important thing about all that I love above is: I love being apprecite myself beyond anything. It makes me appreciate others also. *ps: appreciate people just like they appreciate themself for sure (from the very personal experience). So ya, you get the point; don’t waste your energy for some rubbish. It’s not healthy.
The most knowing person how to appreciate your own self is; YOU. The most knowing person how to appreciate people is; the PEOPLE.
Happy New Year 1435H guys. May God bless us, always.
When it’s already unbearable anymore, I can’t swallow it, I’ll throw it just like a bomb exploded. It’s happening. While it’s happening: a person in charge of root cause of my angry walk away like a coward. I hate him, really. I lost my respect on him already.
Being angry, I became so tired.
It’s ridiculous, but somehow I’m getting understood on his position. In another hand, I want to deny all of my understanding about him. I hate to understand, I just wanna mad at him. I wanna hate him like crazy. I wanna curse him to death. I want it, really. However, more I think about him, more I try to understand him. More I think about myself, more I get what his point.
In the conclusion, I understand about his pities, about his pathetic ness, about his agony, about his desperation.
I don’t know why God made me know him, made me involve with him, made me understand him. I just wanna go back to the past and never know him in person. I just don’t want it. I just can’t bear it as well as I can bear my heart when my mom left my door house.
I hate him.
While he said: “I can’t heal yet from my past.” On the same time he made a copy form like him in me for my future. While he said: “Let’s get some fun, no commitment, no argument, just fun.” On the same time he made me to be just like him. While he said: “It’s not because I don’t interested on you, it’s just because I’m not ready yet for any commitment.” On the same time he made me trapped on the time alley, and can’t get out for my future.
Unwittingly, I’m becoming the same person just like him—a jerk.
For decades of my life, I always just know one love in one time, even without any commitment. For decades of my life, I always respect my true love, and will never make him as a bad person for my life journey. I always remember them as good men.
Then the history of my life destroyed just only by a person, well… thank you.
However, I don’t want to be eaten by my hate. I want to forget. I want to forgive. I want to be in peace. I told myself to understand him, even it’s annoying. I told myself to accept him, even it’s confusing. But I’ll do that, because I just don’t wanna turn myself becoming a person like him. No, thank you.
Today, when I said: “I’m tired”. Seems it’s because I’m tired to be trapped in his influence. I wanna get out, and I will. Even if I say: “I’m tired, I need some break for a while.” It’s just because I need to think, not for running from my future, not like him, I won’t do a foolish thing like him. No, I won’t. Amen. *LOL.
you’re welcome. really love it if you like it. thank you… ^^